Thursday, December 18, 2014
Sure enough. It was a little of both.
I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's a couple of years ago and have been trying to get it controlled since then. With no luck. Apparently, I am one of the 5% who have a hard time finding the proper dosage and gaining some control over my thyroid.
Just like I'm one of the rare that has Type 1 Diabetes. I swear...why doesn't this rarity thing happen with Lotto?
Anyway, it's a bunch of crap. I was riding to work with Abe the other day and started thinking about my health. Here is the verbal diarrhea that ensued.
Diabetes can't be the reason my body is attacking itself. It's my immune system that's effed....not my Diabetes. I have T1D because of my immune system. My immune system, which shall henceforth be called Asshat, decided to attack and kill my pancreas. That caused me to have Type ONE Diabetes. My immune system is attacking my thyroid. This is causing me to have Hashimoto's. The immune system is supposed to attack disease....not cause it.
So, Diabetes will obviously be the death of me. Of this I have no doubt. It will cause many problems because that is the side effect of having Diabetes. But, if I had a pancreas transplant...put a brand new, living, perfect pancreas in my vessel...it's only a matter of time before Asshat attacks it and I end up right back where I was.
This leads me to think that I don't necessarily need to find a cure for Diabetes, per se. I should be looking for a cure for Asshat. That would solve all of my health issues. To teach Asshat that it's one main goal in life, it's one job in this vessel, is to attack the BAD stuff! NOT the good stuff! Asshat is obviously blonde. But, how can Asshat be so stupid??? I'm not, so who taught Asshat to be backwards?
This is why when I catch a cold, or a virus or whatever, I get it 10x worse than the normal person. I am sick for weeks when a person whose immune system isn't an Asshat is only sick for a couple of days. Or when I cut myself, I take weeks to heal when a nomal person only takes a few days.
Asshat is the problem.
Not Hasimoto. Not Diabetes. Just Asshat.
Does this make sense to anyone other than me? Or has any other person thought about their immune system and whether or not it's an Asshat? I'm curious. Please leave comments on this topic.
Friday, November 7, 2014
Hello. It’s been a while so I thought I’d pop in a drop a blog. That sounds like I’m going to do something awesome with some killer dance moves or something but no. I’m just here to purge the Diabetes side of brain. Haha!
I don’t have any excuses for not blogging other than being lazy, or busy, or lacking in concept so I apologize to those who care. But, like I said, I’m back in the saddle again and ready to spit out some Diabetic prowess in honor of November being American Diabetes Month.
It’s awesome we get an entire month for a disease that we maintain every millisecond of every day for the rest of our chronic diseased life. It’s awesome that we get a World Day, too. This day is to spread global awareness worldwide like Diabetes is spreading worldwide. So, wear blue and be aware of Diabetes and your pals that have it. We appreciate it. We do.
It’s pretty effed up though that they chose November…the Thanksgiving binging month…to be Diabetes month. Sigh. Ok. I’m using a pump so whatever…I eat what I want!! (in moderation) haha.
Because it’s our month, I did a little Googling on Type 1 Diabetes. One thing I came across was this list of facts. Some of them actually surprised me. I’ve had Diabetes for 30 years and am rarely surprised by anything so that says something. Go ahead and give it a read. Or at least give it a scan.
Warning….it’s not good or light or positive for all those D pals you were aware of earlier.
I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little depressed after reading some of these. It seems to be that, while my life could be worse, it’s not going to be any better with Diabetes. I have nothing to look forward to. At this point, even looking forward to a cure seems hopeless at times. However, I’ll never lose hope. Without hope, I have nothing.
One thing this list failed to mention is gum disease. Gum Disease is another side effect of Diabetes. I’m proof of that and am currently dealing with the heartbreak of losing my teeth to periodontal disease. I’ve bitched about this before on my blog so it’s not new. It’s just becoming worse, which I knew it would.
Another thing is thyroid disease. This I am also dealing with. Hashimoto’s Disease. Hai! Sounds like a great roll I’d order at my favorite sushi place but nope. Not that lucky. This is the reason for my weight gain, fatigue, sensitivity to cold and the pain in my joints. Ugh. I guess I’m pretty fortunate because after 30 years, I could be worse. I wasn’t always a ‘good’ Diabetic and am still not perfect. I abused my body with drugs, alcohol, resentment, rejection, sugary foods and you name it. If my teeth and my thyroid are my only problems, I’d say I’m ok. I’ll be a tired, toothless fatty any day over a being blind, one legged dialysis patient. Just saying.
Hey, you always gotta look for the positive. Haha
In other news, Diabetes has been cured in mice. Now…how do I become a mouse?
For more info on November being about Diabetes and not facial hair, click these links:
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Sometimes, when I write, it's basically like mind diarrhea. Everything cultivates in my head and when I sit down to write, it all comes spewing forth. Because of this, I rarely take the time to read what I have written or think about what I have written because I've released it. This probably doesn't make sense to any one who isn't a writer. Our brains are mysterious.
After reading the comments, having my eyes fill with tears and reading my post with more clarity, I realized that I have neglected to take notice, show gratitude and give thanks to those who are in my life. I have been a T1D for 27 years. There have been a lot of people I owe these things and more to. A lot.
Loving a T1D isn't an easy task. It is a rocky, windy, bumpy, icy, slippery when wet, long ass road. It is a road that many people weren't given the option of traveling down...but they found themselves in the drivers seat. It is a road that many people do choose to travel down....and sometimes they probably regret getting in that car....but they do get in. Everyone behind that drivers seat is taken for one hell of a ride.
In no particular order, I owe the following thanks, gratitude, acknowledgement and gratefulness.
Amanda, Fran, Abe, Jenna, my dad, Jeannie, Dickie, Aunt Donna, Heidi, Laurie, Shesh, Ted, Tami, Elisa, Steph, Laura, Jill, Tom, Andrea, Nancy, Gary, Erik, Eileen, Bill, a handful of ex's, especially the ex who broke up with me after an episode where I couldn't walk, the waitresses and waiters at many restaurants, the guy in the middle of the road, the people at the Ulster County Fair, the people in public restrooms, the people in line for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disney, the people watching Fantasia at Disney, the cop I punched, the paramedic I asked if he was gay, the thousand other cops and paramedics who have 'met' me, the homeless person whose ass I wanted to kick, the neighbor kid who saw me crawling out from under my garage door covered in blood, my neighbors, my co-workers, the convenience store workers, the grocery store workers, the people in the 6 car pile up, the employees at the Ireland hotel....
My gawd. 27 years of being a Diabetic makes for a lot of people helping me to stay alive. I can't remember them all. There's simply too many. So, as a whole and in it's entirety, thank you to anyone who has dealt with me during my lows and my highs. Who forced me to eat when I refused. Who took hits, slaps, pushes, punches, tears, threats, screams, insults and verbal abuse. Who held me up, helped me walk, who wiped my tears, vomit and spit, who hugged me when I didn't deserve it, who talked me through and kept me from falling. For allowing me to vent, cry, weep at the unfairness. To be scared, angry and upset at my future. To not really understanding but trying very hard to.
To everyone, for everything, over the years. Thank you. For all the things I remember and all the things I've forgotten, thank you. I would not be here without you and that is the truth.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
I am trying to remain positive about meeting this new Dr. The fact is...I have been a T1 for 27 years now. In that time, I have found 1 Endo that I adore. Just 1. That was only a couple of years ago in Vegas. Dr. Berelowitz. Because I liked him so much, I had the best control, the best A1C, the best bloodwork, the best D a person could have.
Moving was almost like a break up for me. I wanted him to come with but he had to stay. Sigh. Now..I have only been seeing a General Practioner for 2 years since moving to NY. I really like him but he isn't that confident in my care of the D. I respect that. He has wanted me to see an Endo but I keep blowing him off. Too busy. No money. I know how to care for myself better than any Dr. Blah Blah. Just basically comforting myself in the security that my GP quotes 'The Princess Bride', knows me and my life, treats me like a human being.
But. I finally broke down. I am not a fan of Dr's and having had a chronic disease for over half my life has caused me to be a little leary of many. I have had the Dr's who act like they blame me for getting this disease. I have had Dr's who tell me I could control this disease better if I really wanted to. I have had Dr's rush in and out without getting to know me or my life. I have had Dr's run a rampant of unnecessary tests, etc, for the money and not for my health. I have had them all. So, it's very difficult for me to find a Dr. that isn't judgemental, that takes the time and listens to me personally, that is as interested in caring for me as I am and not just seeing dollar signs and no hope.
Type 1 Diabetics need a Dr. with hope. Plain and simple. At times we get so down living with this pain in the everywhere all day, every day, that our hope falters at times. Mine does. It's nice to walk into an office and feel like that hope. Doc B had hope. He was the best.
I have hope, too. Hope that this Endo will, at the very least, be 1/10 of what Doc B was. This would be a good thing for me and my body. :)
Monday, August 27, 2012
I created this blog years ago to bring Type 1 Diabetes awareness to those in and out of my life. I hoped to bring some comfort to others who have been diagnosed with this disease. I hoped to help feel, not only accepted into the Diabetes Community, but to also let others know we are not all the same. We are not different. We are not only a chronic disease.
I can't stress enough that while I look normal and healthy on the outside, I have constant turmoil going on inside.
My body is trying to kill itself. Every moment of every day. This is a reality that lurks in the deep recesses of my mind, heart and soul. I never give it a voice because it's my worst fear. If I give it a voice, it suddenly becomes a harsh reality that I don't have the energy or desire to deal with. It has the ability to break me...if only momentarily...and it steals my strength.
My boyf went to a Psychologist to get tested for ADHD. During his session, the Dr. asked him questions about his life. Past, present and future. She asked him how he slept and he said he tries to go to bed early with me but then lays there most of the night. They had already talked about me and that I'm a Type 1 Diabetic. So, at this point she said that I needed more sleep than he did because my body's trying to kill itself and that battle is exhausting.
When he came home and told me this, I was smacked in the face with that unspoken fear. Someone said it. Out loud. And not to me....to him. Now he's dealing with a fear that is new for him but old for me. But, as is true with every non-diabetic, he doesn't understand or get the full effect.
But, I do.
My body is killing itself.
I am battling an impossible battle.
I am exhausted.
I am doing the best I can to control an uncontrollable disease.
I am frustrated.
I have so much more to deal with than the average person.
I have so much more to consider and pay attention to than the average person.
I have so much more pain to handle and so many more moods to feel.
I am a health roller coaster.
I'm doing ok.
But I'm still going to lose.
I hate losing.
I also hate when my disease gets a point and I fall behind in the match.
I will do the best I can to live a wonderful life in spite of Type 1 Diabetes.
Regardless of the fear.
Because that's what we do.
That's what I do.
What I would love for everyone in and out of my life to do is understand and remember that I'm fighting a battle.